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Alan Hansen (born Sauchie, England Scotland?) is a current TV pundit and former Liverpool and Scotland player, becoming the first player to both somehow play for Scotland despite clearly being English and being the first Englishman to be born in Scotland and yet not be the slightest bit Scottish.

Playing Career[]

Hansen started his playing career at Partick Thistle where his only major success was attending a trial for Liverpool FC which he failed.

He later moved to Liverpool FC for £110,000 which - even without inflation - is still the most amount of money anyone from Partick has seen. At Liverpool Hansen started his first partnership with Mark Lawrenson who at that time was not known as evil. This immovable defense led Liverpool to win ever cup ever becoming the first British team to win the League Championship, the European Cup, the FA Cup, the League Cup, the Chartiy Shield, the Second Division Championship, La Liga and the Copa Libertadores in one season until 2004 when Roman Abramovich bought Chelsea every trophy because he "hadn't bought anything for a while".

After Football[]

After leaving football Hansen became a pundit for Sky Sports and then BBC. He is famous for being the single most boring man on earth and for correctly stating that "You can't win anything with kids" before Michael Jacksons trial.

His punditry led him to his second partership with Mark Lawrenson which the BBC determined was not evil or boring enough and so eventually added both Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer. This team eventually led all four to create the well known supporters club Whinge About Anything That Doesn't Go Englands Way Club and make Adrian Chiles almost watchable during ITV's 2010 World Cup.