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Andy Townsend[]

Andrew David Townsend (born 23 July 1963 in Maidstone, Kent) was a functional defensive midfielder who represented the Republic of Ireland for no particular reason. These days he is a gel-obsessed, functional pundit/presenter for ITV.

Never a technically gifted player, Townsend was always labelled 'hard-working' and was what Ron Atkinson would later describe as a 'little ratter' in the midfield.

The peak of Townsend's respectable career came with Chelsea and Aston Villa. At Villa Park he lifted the only trophy of his career, the League Cup, after beating Leeds United in a forgettable 1996 final.

At international level, Townsend followed in the footsteps of many quite good English players of the 1980s and 90s and represented the Republic of Ireland.

Townsend not only met the Irish Football Association's requirements of: "being pretty fecking tall and taking his drink," but he qualified to captain the side at World Cup 1994 by successfully naming Dublin as the Republic's capital city.

Punditry career[]

Strangely, Townsend has become one of ITV's most trusted, albeit inane, pundits and he can be heard dropping vowels and stating the obvious after almost every game they show.

The quasi-Cockney is identifiable by his slimy, greasy hair and love of the phrase 'time and time again'. He will also 'tell you what...' regularly and use the word 'literally' when he means figuratively.,seems now his favourite phrase defines him perfectly "just did enough"

Tactics Truck[]

Main article: Tactics Truck

Townsend is still reviled by most football fans for being the face behind the Tactics Truck on ITV's 'The Premiership'. It was an abysmal segment in a piss poor show during a dark period when ITV somehow seized control of the rights to show Premiership highlights.

Andy Townsend on Back of the Net News[]

Gel giants to Townsend: Thank you so much.[1]

Townsend's commentary style:

-Cliche Driven

-He eagerness to explain that he doesnt do Cliche's

-Bereft of genuine knowledge

-Love of the hard working crap player like Scot(ty) Parker

-Simplistic Ideas (They just need to get forward, Clive; What they don't want to do now is concede another)

-Dislike of any player who doesnt 'fancy it' (Ibrahimovic, Berbatov, Not Michael Owen despite clearly not fancying playing football in the last 10 years)

-Dismisses Notions that he's not Irish despite tattooing a new st george cross on his scalp before every england game

-Dislike of foreigners and their cheating ways

-Approval of england players diving as this isnt cheating