Chris Coleman (born 10 June 1970 in Swansea, Glamorgan) is an amiable Welsh vampire currently in charge of Coventry City.
During his 15-year playing career, no-nonsense defender Coleman showed commendable dedication to mediocrity, representing Swansea, Crystal Palace, Blackburn and Fulham and doing alright for all of them.
However, it was as Fulham manager and an active member of the undead that Coleman really made his name.
Coleman enjoys early success
Despite having no real idea how to manage a football club, Coleman initially excelled at Fulham and defied the critics by leading the Cottagers to Premier League safety while looking exactly like Freddie Mercury.
Coleman sucks life out of Fulham, blood from players
However, it soon emerged that something sinister was happening in the Fulham dressing room.
The West London outfit looked short of energy from the end of 2006 and struggled badly, while Coleman looked increasingly ashen faced and would occasionally mumble that the side ‘needed fresh blood’ while licking his lips.
After a series of interviews in which Coleman swigged from a vial of blood, the conclusive proof that the Welsh tactician was indeed a vampire finally arrived when a documentary crew filmed him feasting on the blood of Portuguese nearlyman Louis Boa Morte at half-time of Fulham’s 1-1 draw with Bolton.
Fulham had little option but to sack Coleman in April 2007 and it later emerged that the Craven Cottage side had signed over 100 players as sacrifices to the bloodthirsty boss during his reign of terror.
Coleman finds fresh blood
These days Coleman is Coventry City manager and has become increasingly brazen in the execution of his extracurricular activities.
While there was uproar when Coleman bit into Stephen Wright’s neck during his first game in charge, there was very little reaction when he devoured most of Michael ‘Mosquito’ Mifsud during a defeat against Barnsley earlier this season.