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Diego Forlan has scored lots of goals for every team he has played for except Manchester United. He also flopped at Manchester United for which he is much more well known.


Forlan is known for his skeletor-like appearance, which many would like to see smashed in by a Jabulanii. Luis Suarez is oft-cited as a member of the Forlan personality cult, for which members give up their lives and hands for Forlan. This has not been proven by DNA testing, except for the part about getting his face smashed in.

Whilst this popular myth has been promulgated by many it is widely assumed that Forlan is in fact the former 400m runner Sally Gunnell. This fact has been verified by an independent witness who once saw Gunnell in Tenerife ordering a "cerveza por favor" without resorting to shouting the phrase slowly and loudly. It is rumoured that her learning of Spanish and beginning of a football career is linked to Gunnell being placed in the witness protection scheme in 2001 after reporting that Roger Black earned his surname through a succession of racially motivated gangland killings.

Diego Forlan and Sally Gunnell have never been seen in the same room together.

Diego Forlan appears 31 minutes and 21 seconds into the movie "Lost Highway". Sally Gunnell can be seen at the 31m21s mark in "Mulholland Drive". Neither able to score for Manchester United, due to his frail figure(s), and exoskeletal vulnerabilities.