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Football Pyramid[]

The term football pyramid is almost exclusively used during the FA Cup in order to patronise smaller clubs who perform feats of giant-killing.

The FA Cup is a sacred institution and a magical competition, but commentators and pundits feel that they need to repeatedly stress exactly how much shitter the smaller side are in any given Cup clash.

It seems that it's not enough for the viewers to watch a team of plumbers, electricians and sociopaths chaired off the pitch after humbling a League outfit on their muddy old surface, they need to be told that: "Barrow are of course 789 places below Brentford in football's pyramid."

The structure of the football pyramid[]

While the English League system is known as a pyramid, it actually resembles the structure of Hell in Dante's Divine Comedy with a number of sub-strata at each level.

The similarities with the 14th century poet's masterpiece don't end there. In the eighth circle of Dante's Hell, he presents the flatterers who are covered in their own excrement - a practice that is common in the Northern Premier League Division One North, which is the eighth level of the football pyramid.

People in the Divine Comedy also have miserable lives, as do most of the players in football's non-league structure.