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Francis Jeffers[]

Francis 'Fox in the Box' Jeffers (born 25 January 1981 in Liverpool, Merseyside) is a goal-shy striker who was wrongly tipped for the top during the early years of his career at Everton.

Everton have a tradition of great strikers such as Gary Lineker, Wayne Rooney and Brett Angell, so when Jeffers netted fairly regularly for Walter Smith's impossibly dour side and England's Under-21s where he equalled Alan Shearer's scoring record it was inevitable that he would receive a good deal of hype.

However, Jeffers' career peaked at the age of 17 and a big-money move to Arsenal was ruined by injuries and baffling disorientation in front of goal. Three years and four goals later, the Scouse hitman was already a forgotten man and he ended up at Sheffield Wednesday via Charlton and Rangers.

These days you sometimes see Jeffers in the Championship, usually clutching his thigh, wandering around morosely in the vain hope he may end his nine-year goal drought.

Currently at Wednesday where, after headbutting a team mate and the 88 year old tea lady, he was transfer listed in August 09 since when the Owls have recieved precisely no offers to take Francis off their hands. Owing to an eating disorder brought on by depression and fuelled by his corporate tie up with Ginsters pasties he is now known as 'the Ox in the Box'.

WIth a goal scoring record beneath Robbie Savage, Dennis Irwin and goalkeeper Jose Luis Chilavert it seems unlikely that in these troubled fiscal times another club will risk spunking a large amount of cash on hiring the services of this alleged striker.

The goal-shy twat (yes, he is a twat) signed for Australian A-league side, Newcastle Jets in November 2010. Jeffers quipped, "I like what is happening with the club, it is an exciting period here and hopefully I would be able to assist the Jets to climb up the ladder during my time here". More barren goal-streches are predicted by football pundits the world over.

Jeffers was caught wanking old men in a disused taxi rank in January 2011. He stated that it was something he was always interested in doing and would help him overcome his footballing demons.

Jeffers in everyday life

Most people think about Jeffers every now and again. Jeffers is mostly discussed using the constructions: "Do you remember that...?", "Whatever happened to...?" and "If I don't go to work today my career will do a ...".