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Frustrated Striker[]

A frustrated striker refers to a player who wishes that he could play in that position, but can't for one of many reasons, most of which involve that player not being a striker.

The Daydreamer[]

Usually the idle goalkeeper or central defender of a relatively successful side, who grows increasingly envious of forward players getting glory. Often, these delusional cases were often in goal because a bigger child bullied them into going in goal during Jumpers-for-Goalposts. Examples include Bruce Grobbelaar and any South American goalkeeper ever. José Luis Chilavert has a goalscoring record better than many strikers, by his insistence on taking free kicks and penalties, and on being a bit mental.

Some pundits have tried to portray Rio Ferdinand as a frustrated striker due to his propensity for own goals, showboating, slick passes to opposing strikers, lack of concentration, and passionate celebrations when a goal is scored by a team-mate, or sometimes an adversary. Better pundits have called this out as bull, and point to Ferdinand's extraordinary ability at being a lazy piece of shit and "merking" people, most memorably his goalkeeper Edwin van der Sar in a match against the hapless bell-ringers of Portsmouth. Feigning one of his trademark sloppy backpasses, Ferdinand slotted neatly home into the bottom corner, and followed with an angry celebration.

The Workhorse[]

Typically someone who is led to believe he is a striker, and tells the media and everyone else that he's a striker, and tries to act like a striker on the pitch when his manager isn't watching. In reality, the manager doesn't have a gifted left winger at his disposal, and rather than field an assymetrical formation, dumps the second-string striker there because he's a try-hard with pace. Andy Townsend has frequently been heard drowning in his own drool due to being unfairly gifted the commentary rights to England games, with the national side being notoriously unable to find a good left-sided left-footed midfielder. He usually exercises the right mysteriously bestowed upon him to choose Man-of-the-Match by awarding whoever plays in that position his praise. Budweiser were willing to pay for a football-illiterate man to repeatedly spout their brand-name followed by the name of a no-hoper.