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Futsal is a pointless variant of indoor football which uses a ball so heavy it requires six men to lift it.

The Rise Of Futsal[]

After 70 years of being an unsavoury underground activity, futsal became mainstream in Europe when Brazilian players like Ronaldo and Ronaldinho admitted they had dabbled in the baffling game during their youth.

Suddenly, everyone had to have a futsal. "Are you bringing the futsal?" or "My futsal or yours?" - people would ask when organising a kick-about.

Futsal Found To Be Rubbish[]

Sadly, futsal was a flash in the pan. The main problem being that the ball weighs around 80kg and almost never leaves the ground. Lots of the good bits in football happen when the ball goes in the air. Although these days it is technically legal to score a headed goal in futsal, a player is far more likely to sustain life-threatening injuries than he is to ripple the net.

To date, nobody has had fun playing futsal.