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Green Street is a typically ludicrous football hooligan film, which features the hobbit from the Lord of the Rings films masquerading as a hard man.

Over the years there have been dozens of hooligan films, the majority of them crap, most memorably 1995’s ‘I.D.’, where Reece Dinsdale infiltrates some shitty firm belonging to Shitwell Town, only to discover he is ‘in over his head.’ At one point he asks his wife ‘when was the last time you looked at my bum!?’

He goes insane.

In ‘Green Street’ we see the hobbit move to the UK and live with his sister, who is married to some stereotypical

Green street

The hobbit wipes his mouth off after servicing the lads.

lout who is part of a two bit outfit called ‘Green Street.’ He reluctantly takes the poofter with him for a beer with the ‘lads.’ From there the hobbit surprises the gang with his unusual fighting ability, akin to that of a seasoned UFC veteran like Anderson Silva. He does this despite being as skinny as a piece of piss, with as much believability as a tough guy as Chris Sutton.

Real life hooligans were left in disbelief by the film and all firms disbanded immediately upon the shame of being defeated by an obnoxious yank.

Useless online encyclopedia Wikipedia states ‘Although Green Street has received some criticism regarding the exaggerated level of violence shown between the firms in the movie, the cultural validity of the script is rooted in anthropological studies of firm behaviorism. Through all the criticism, this became a reality in late August 2009[2]'

The violence between West Ham and Millwall also became a reality during every year from 1967-2010, which suggests this bullshit was written by the hobbit himself.

Happily the sequel ,’Green Street 2: Stand your Ground’ was a much more inspired and believable film, with the lads behind bars and having to win a match against corrupt guards in order to gain their freedom.

In the last decade there have been approximately 1267 British football hooligan movies, all of them with the same pool of 20 actors. Warren Clarke has starred in 894 of these films.

All the hooligans are ‘legends’, despite being known for appalling crimes. The first film is set in 2005 as seen on the security camera outside the football stadium.