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Intertoto Cup[]

The Intertoto Cup is an idiotic affair, which gives teams the chance to qualify for European football despite having finished no higher than 19th in the third tier of their domestic pyramid.

In common with all truly shit tournaments, these days there is not really a winner; instead, a labyrinthine format sees 2,450 teams compete in the first nine rounds, then qualify for eleven groups of thirteen teams each, twenty-two-and-a-half of whom get into the UEFA Cup.

This pointless competition is also unpopular with Premier League clubs because it starts around eight hours after the season ends. in 1998, Crystal Palace went straight from their final game of the season to Turkey to play Samsunspor. The 16-hour round trip ended in a 2-0 defeat and a shitty old life for the newly relegated Eagles.