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Tehranis celebrate 2006 World Cup qualification in usual style.

The Iran National Football team has a proud history of awkwardly politicizing footballing events. Despite the entire populace being football-mad (due to a lack of any other Islamically acceptable past-time), the team has qualified for a mere three World Cups.


Home games are played at the ironically named Azadi Stadium (Freedom Stadium). Games are a strict sausage-fest, as the presence of women is banned by punishment of post-match stoning.

Team shirts are invariably embroidered with Islamic slogans to intimidate unbelieving opponents.


-1978 World Cup: Iran would play eternal foe Australia in the playoff to qualify for Argentina 1978. At the tournament, Iran went out in style, following a 1-1 draw with Scotland. This was the one and only 'pre-Revolution' World Cup, before the nation began its descent back to the 7th Century AD.

-1998 World Cup: Iran would once again play Australia to qualify, in the sort of playoff that makes football worth watching. Khodadad Azizi scored the crucial away goal in Melbourne, marking the first time an ethnic minority has been celebrated in the Iranian public sphere. At the World Cup, Iran were placed with Yugoslavia, USA and Germany. The 2nd matchup had been billed as "Khomeini vs Clinton- who is the best?". After losing to Yugoslavia, the USA match became a hate-loaded love-fest with gifts traded pre-match. Iran would go on to win 2-1, before losing to Germany.

2006 World Cup: The team qualified with ease for Germany 2006, where they were placed with Portugal, Mexico and Angola. The Iranians covered themselves with glory with a 1-1 draw with Angola, in the proud tradition of previous dead-rubber 1-1 draws.

2010 World Cup: Iran failed to qualify, after banning most of their players for the wearing of green armbands.