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James Lee Duncan "Jamie" Carragher (born 28 January 1978) is an English footballer of Irish descent, who has played as a no-nonsense defender for Liverpool for his entire career whilst unaccountably picking up a few England caps.

Playing Career[]

Carragher's playing career comprises of almost 700 games in all competitions for Liverpool during which he accumulated a modest 4 goals and a spectacular 7 own goals. Career highlights include Liverpool's infamous and inexplicable Champions League win in 2005 during which he performed brilliantly, having been tasked with marking AC Milan's primary goal threat 'Carragher O.G'.

International Career[]

Between 1999 and 2010, Carragher unrealistically picked up 38 caps for England, despite being exactly the kind of player who would have been forced to play for the Irish during the late-80s and 90s. This good fortune came mainly due to injuries to more talented players, such as to Gary Neville during the 2006 World Cup, Rio Ferdinand during the 2010 World Cup and Ledley King basically all the time.

Adulation and Acclaim[]

Despite being a childhood Everton fan Carragher is held in high-esteem by the Anfield faithful. The latter show their love by disregarding his habit of commiting consistent petulant fouls in dangerous areas and perfoming horrific reducers as well as his astonishing lack of pace. In such high-esteem is he held that many Liverpool fans are convinced of his ability, not just in his traditional centre-back or right-back berth, but across the field of play. This feeling is best summed up by the Kop-favourite chant 'We all dream of a team of Carraghers' sung to the tune of 'Yellow Submarine' and the follow-up '...and number 1 is Carragher, and number 2 is Carragher, and number 3 is Carragher'. Perhaps in response to this, the governments of all nations affiliated with FIFA soon passed legislation outlawing human cloning.

Contribution to longstanding culture of Liverpool F.C thuggery[]

Carragher is notable for following in the footsteps of Liverpool greats, on and off the pitch. On the pitch his wild reducers and unneccesary fouling bring to mind Neil 'Razor' Ruddock, noting in his autobiography an occasion on which he deliberating set-out to injure team-mate Rigobert Song during a training match.

Off he pitch he joins players such as Steven Gerrard, Craig Bellamy, Andy Carroll and El Hadj Diouf in the proud hall of Liverpool players convicted or charged with assault,