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Jeff Stelling, born in Hartlepool in 1955, is a popular sports presenter, best known for his work on the somehow exciting programme Soccer Saturday, despite the show consisting of 6 hours of� off-screen shouts from pundits watching Murder She Wrote on Saturday afternoons, when Hull v Stoke gets too dull for them.

Soccer Saturday[]

Stelling is well known for being a human facts machine, as he is able to whittle off goalscoring records from any defender in the Scottish Second division, and can tell you the last time Macclesfield reached the 5th round of the FA Cup. Unloved scouser� Phil Thompson is often heard to mutter "how the hell did he know that?" before resuming his irrelevant wails whilst watching David N'Gog miss another sitter.

His hilarious puns and one-liners play a large factor in reeling in the viewing figures of millions, coupled with roaring laughter from the entirety of the studio. Matt Le Tissier was famously in tears for the second half of one programme after Stelling had made a comment about Barrow defender Gareth Jellyman. Luckily Le Tisser was� watching Bolton v Burnley, and hence no-one missed out on any meaningful updates from the game. Stelling's humour has made him quite the comedian, which has earned him an annual show at the Edinburgh festival, with reviews claiming he can "take over Michael McIntyre's world dominance of comedy".

The phrase "Unbelievable Jeff", which by law has to be in every sentence Chris Kamara ever says, was first coined when Stelling didn't take a breath in the last 15 minutes of the programme, constantly updating viewers of every incident that appeared on the vidiprinter. He progressively become more red in the face, until the classified checks man read out the fiinal scores, where Stelling was given oxygen by the standby medics, who� were originally� hired by Sky� incase Paul Merson had a tipple at half time.

Stelling bizarrely took on the role as host of tedious channel 4 daytime show Countdown, in which he did a considerably better job than Des Lynham or Des O'Connor, but breaking the rule that all Richard Whitely replacements must be called Des. Channel� 4 still hired Stelling despite failed attempts� at fitting a Des in there somewhere.