Kaka[edit | edit source]
Despite being one of the best players in the world, religious nut Kaka (Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, born April 22, 1982 in Brasília) looks like someone you used to shake down for lunch money at school.
The floppy-haired teacher’s pet achieved huge success at Milan and on the international stage for Brazil. While playing in Italy, Kaka was the subject of almost incessant transfer speculation, especially from the Spanish Press, who reported that he had signed for Real Madrid at least once a week.
Eventually Kaka did move to the Merengues and admitted that it was "mostly because I kept reading it in the newspapers."
Manchester City had made a spectacularly overambitious bid to lure the superstar just six months earlier. The Citizens presented a bid of £100m (one hundred million pounds) in January 2009. Chief executive Garry Cook supervised the money's transit to Italy's fashion capital - it was delivered in 20p pieces by a fleet of tankers.
The money was unloaded at the Rossoneri's Milanello training ground where sadly several youth players drowned in the silver tidal wave. 'It's nice to get rid of some of this shrapnel," Cook bellowed. However, the talks eventually broke down when Kaka vetoed the switch after City turned down his request for Manchester to be moved 300 miles south.
Riches To Riches Story[edit | edit source]
Unlike many Brazilian players who grew up kicking a ball barefoot in the street, Kaka came from an incredibly wealthy family.
Not only did he have boots and kit, he also had his own full size grass pitch where he employed less well-off children such as Robinho to stand as goalposts.
Origins of his nickname[edit | edit source]
As a little kid, Kaka’s younger brother, the cruelly untalented defender Digao, was unable to pronounce the name Ricardo and so called him ‘Kaka’.
Sadly, Kaka means ‘shit’ in most languages and the Brazilian international has suffered the same fate as Bolton’s Danny Shittu.
Indeed, the two men are close friends and are in talks with E4 over a sitcom called “Shitty Old Lives” in which the two men are mismatched housemates in a flat in East Croydon.
Helped by God[edit | edit source]
Kaka is religious and attributes his success to controversial deity God.
A staunch believer, he has ‘I BELONG TO JESUS’ stitched into one of his boots, although after his club objected, he was forced to stitch ‘BUT I AM CONTRACTED TO MILAN’ into the boot.
This religious faith seems to date back to his childhood when a freak diving-board accident could have left him paralysed. Instead, he became an incredibly talented, world famous footballer. “We knew it would be one or the other,” one of the doctors who treated Kaka stated recently.
Injury problems[edit | edit source]
These days Kaka is often injured or moaning about how he might be injured.