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Kenneth Mathieson ("King Kenny") Dalglish (born 4 March 1951 in Dalmarnock, Glasgow, Scottish) is a dour, sarcastic and stubborn Scottish ex-player and ex-manager who was annoyingly successful during his first spell at Liverpool (and then progressively more of a laughing stock in his roles at Blackburn, Newcastle, Celtic and especially on his return to Liverpool in 2011)

Playing Career[]

Dalglish began his professional career at Celtic (before Scottish football became a bit of a joke), averaging over a goal every-other-game (widely considered as the requirement for a great striker), an achievement Sir Alex Ferguson reluctantly described as 'No' all tha' bad, I s'pose'.

A move to Liverpool in 1977 saw Dalgish play a key role for the club during their most successful era, establishing himself as Liverpool's greatest ever player and gaining the nickname 'King Kenny'. He netted 169 times in 501 appearances and scored vital goals in Liverpool's European Cup wins, albeit at the time when it was entirely possible to win the European Cup by beating teams like Bruges in the final.

Managerial Career[]

Despite initial success as player-manager of Liverpool and a league win with Blackburn in the 1994/5 season, Dalgish's spells at Newcastle, Celtic and his return to Liverpool in 2011 have blighted his managerial record, most recently being sacked by Liverpool after spunking £100 million on players and still finishing 7th behind Everton.

Signings, refusal to acknowledge the passing or concept of time, and more signings[]

Dalglish's record for making bizarre signings stems back to his stint at Newcastle. Apparently still believing it was 1987, he sold many of the stars of Keegan's side which had challenged for the title the previous year and had them replaced with aging Liverpool players (and Stuart Pearce). Notably, he sold Peter Beardsley, Lee Clark, Les Ferdinand and David Ginola and bought in John Barnes (34 and already well on his way to corpulence) and Ian Rush, (36 and beginning to look and play exactly like noted comedian, Barry Chuckle).

Due to these achievements, Dalglish is largely credited for pioneering what was to become Newcastle United's playing style for the next decade, playing really quite badly and relying on Alan Shearer to smash in 20 or so goals a season.

On a much-anticipated return to Liverpool in January 2011 following the miserable performance of Roy Hodgson, Dalglish continued his knack of ridiculous signings. He made some good signings such as noted That Type Of Player Luis Suarez and annoyingly talented neckless Welshman Craig Bellamy before realising these signings were far too sensible and offsetting the quality he'd brought in with the signings of assist-shy 'poor man's Ashley Young' Stewart Downing, lumbering alcoholic Andy Carroll, indifferent youngster Jordan Henderson. The signing of the enigmatic left-foot known as Charlie Adam brought the total for these 4 players to a combined £83 million.

Relationship with the media[]

Never having mastered the finer arts of press relations, by the time of his second managerial stint at Liverpool, Dalglish's PR tactics ranged from his classic unintelligable muttering to replying to interviewers with viciously sarcastic rhetorical questions with little provokation, notably bringing heartless pitchside correspondant Geoff Shreeves to the verge of tears by repeatedly asking him whether the Pope was Catholic and poking him in the trachea, following an innocuous question about Steven Gerrard's hattrick in a 3-0 win over Everton.