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Lee Robert Clark (born 27 October 1972) was a dynamic goalscoring midfielder for Newcastle, Sunderland and Fulham, who spent much of his career criticising the local population of every town he played in and being subsequently forced out under a cloud.



Newcastle United[]

Clark began his career at Newcastle United, where he developed a reputation as a no-nonsense battler with an eye for goal. In summer 1997, however, a TV microphone picked him up muttering to a friend that “Geordies are cheerless munters”, and he was forced out under a cloud.


Unwilling to leave the North-East, Clark signed for Sunderland, attracted by the glamour of playing for an underachieving yo-yo club led by an apish muttonhead like Peter Reid. But in 1999 he was spotted wearing a t-shirt with the slogan “Mackems are sad bastards” and was forced out under a cloud.


Clark joined Fulham that summer, becoming an integral part of their 2000/01 promotion-winning side. His seasons in the Premiership were blighted by injury however, and by an incident when Clark trimmed the hedges in his garden to spell out “Londoners are despondent cockbags”, after which he was forced out under a cloud.

Newcastle again[]

Clark returned to Newcastle in 2005, but he had by then lost a yard of pace and never re-established himself in the first team. His days as a Magpie were numbered for a second time when he took out a full-page advert in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle proclaiming that “despite years of government investment and city-centre regeneration projects, Geordies remain mardy simpletons”. Reaction to the incident led to Clark being forced out under a cloud.

Norwich City[]

Clark became assistant manager at Norwich City in 2007, a spell that failed to bring success mostly because the manager he was assisting was nasally schlemiel Glenn Roeder. Some pundits attribute Clark’s departure to the large statue he cast in bronze and erected outside Norwich Castle of a figure, representing the people of that city, holding a proclamation reading “I am a lachrymose dicksplash” whilst being sodomised by a horse. Like so many public artworks the statue proved divisive, and Clark was forced out under a cloud.

Huddersfield Town[]

Clark is now manager of Huddersfield Town, where he has been spotted taking the measurements of the east wall of the city hall, purchasing crampons, grappling hooks and large quantities of paint, and asking associates whether they prefer the term ‘twatgoblins’ or ‘bum-plungers’.

Incomprehensible Brother , micky bolton[]

For reasons unknown, Lee Clark’s brother, who had an even more Geordie face than Lee Clark, was featured on the lead-in to ad breaks on ITV’s debased abortion of a highlights show The Premiership, running up and down beside the Tyne being incomprehensible while a voice-over hawked sugary pissliquid Coca-Cola to the strains of U2's Beautiful Day. Like everything else The Premiership did, it was ill-conceived, demeaning and tragically pointless.He is