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Marcel Desailly[]

Marcel Desailly (born September 7, 1968 in Accra, Ghana as Odenke Abbey) was an enormous World Cup-winning defender. Today, he is an enormously enthusiastic but incoherent BBC pundit.

Desailly was part of France's golden generation who won the 1998 World Cup and Euro 2000 during a forgettable era for the beautiful game.

At club level, massive Marcel racked up honours at Milan and Chelsea, where he formed a defensive brick wall with unrealistically named compatriot Frank Leboeuf.

After an accomplished career on the pitch, Desailly hung up his boots and was offered a job with the BBC.

A voice like a foghorn and the enthusiasm of a coke fiend makes the former defender ideal for reporting from noisy stadiums, but sadly his inability to speak English has become an unexpected stumbling block.

While Desailly knows lots of words in English, he isn't able to string them into sentences, making his pitchside reports sound like primary school spelling tests.

Nonetheless, by dint of having set foot in Africa, Desailly is assured a BBC job at any African Nations Cup game and is in pole position for the 2010 World Cup because he's the only pundit able to drown out the Vuvuzelas.

Examples of nonsense[]

Marcel once described Diego Forlan of Athletico Madrid as "having a huge and great movement". It is not known if he ever had relations with Forlan.

During the Euro 2008 Final he claimed to be dissapointed with the performance of the Spanish midfield, even though the German team had not touched the ball during the entire half.