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Rio Ferdinand[]

Rio Gavin Ferdinand (born 7 November 1978) , is a perennially injured, incredibly expensive cockney footballer plying his trade in Manchester once a month or sometimes twice, of course being substituted off in the second match after the inevitable groin strain.

Early Life[]

Rio was not so secretly a bit of a ponce during his younger days, and partook in ballet, later deciding that the lure of hearing Harry Redknapp say "Triffic" every day was just too much to give up, and decided to concentrate on identifying where his next injury would be. Rio needed lots of concentration, as he was a very forgetful boy.


West Ham Largely uneventful, he played football alongside the likes of quiet Italian Paolo di Canio and others.

Leeds Ferdinand moved to Leeds United for a British transfer record fee of £18, he was still quite a forgetful chap, in case he ever reads this article it is necessary to mention this again. Following Peter Ridsdale spending lavishly and foolishly on items such as white, yellow and blue fish for the Leeds board room and Darren Huckerby the club were short of money, and were forced to sell Ferdinand to Manchester United.

Manchester United Ferdinand moved to Manchester United for the astronomical fee of £30, much more than the forgetful lad was worth many pundits and journalists were noted as saying. Rio promptly forgot three drug tests, distracted by shopping, though later on a Chris Moyles radio show stated that he wasn't actually a homosexual. He was banned for 9 months, or something like that he thinks anyway. Up to the present day Rio has spent his days getting injured, going to "alternative" hairdressers, and on the occasions he does play making sure he is on top of the celebration pile after a goal is scored, despite being 70 yards away when the ball hit the back of the net.