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Rivaldo Vítor Borba Ferreira (born April 19, 1972 in Paulista, Pernambuco) is a former Brazilian international star who now plays in Angola and looks like Peter Taylor.


Rivaldo was part of a golden generation of Brazilians who racked up trophies between 1993 and 2003 and were nauseatingly fawned over by British commentators. The attacking midfielder also scored regularly for a successful Barcelona side and was one of the world’s most recognised flair players.

World Cup Dickery[]

However, Rivaldo was a notorious diver and often acted like a real lowlife. During the 2002 World Cup, the smug superstar produced some despicable play-acting during the dying minutes of a win over Turkey.

Rivaldo had very slowly gone over to take a corner but there was no ball. Turkey player Hakan Unsal hacked one towards the Brazilian and it hit him in the thigh, prompting Rivaldo to fling himself to the floor as if mortally wounded. For some reason the referee sent off Unsal for ‘kicking the ball at another player during a game of football.’

From that point on there could be little doubt that Rivaldo was a terrible twat.


As his talent started to fade, Rivaldo opted to milk the game for every penny he could, joining Olympiacos, AEK Athens and eventually Bunydojkor of Uzbekistan. After realising that Uzbekistan is a dreadful place he quickly signed for Sao Paulo in his native Brazil before inexplicably moving to Kabuscorp of Angola in 2012 at the age of 40. These days he sits on a comfy chair for most of the 90 minutes, sometimes being given a free-kick to take.


Strangely, Rivaldo look more and more like Wycombe manager Peter Taylor with every passing day.