Ruud Van Nistelrooy[edit | edit source]
Rutgerus Johannes Martinus "Ruud" van Nistelrooij (commonly spelled as van Nistelrooy; born 1 July 1976 in Oss) is a world-class poacher, a world-class whiner and an in-demand Dave Grohl lookalike.
The horse-faced hitman made his name in his native Holland where he scored in pretty much every game for PSV between 1998 and 2001. However, unlike other prolific Eredivisie scorers, Van Nistelrooy was able to make the grade in a proper league after joining Manchester United (see 'Strikers from the Dutch League' )
Van Nistelrooy was a perfect fit at Old Trafford where he became the second highest scorer in Champions League history. Devastatingly effective from six yards or fewer, Ruud was incredibly smug in victory and tremendously ungracious in defeat, often spending around 80 minutes theatrically protesting about a controversial corner decision.
After a highly productive five years, Van Nistelrooy fell out with fantastic playmaker / despicable human Cristiano Ronaldo, spelling the end of his stay at the club. Vowing never again to play for a club that panders to spoiled superstars, he signed for Real Madrid.
At the Bernabeu, an ageing Van Nistelrooy was hampered by the injury problems that had lurked for the entirety of his career. In June 2009 Blackburn Rovers boss Sam Allardyce launched an audacious bid to lure Van Nistelrooy to England's 175th most desirable town.
International Career[edit | edit source]
Just like every other decent Dutch player of the last 20 years, Van Nistelrooy never produced his best at international level due to his stubborn commitment to being a bit of an arsehole.
Having failed to qualify for the 2002 World Cup, Ruud's first major competition was the 2006 finals in Germany where a mutinous Holland lost out to Portugal in an ugly ill-tempered affair.
While other members of the squad rebelled ostentatiously with Denny Landzaat firing Tim de Cler out of a cannon while the defender was sleeping and Wesley Sneijder masterminding a multi-million pound bank robbery, Van Nistelrooy quietly sulked at being a substitute and declared after the competition that he would never play for Marco Van Basten again.
However, Van Nistelrooy was to return to international football for Euro 2008 where the Dutch became dark horses in the group stages before being shocked by darker horses Russia in the quarter-finals.
Dave Grohl[edit | edit source]
Van Nistelrooy is essentially the same man as former Nirvana drummer and Foo Fighters lead man Dave Grohl and has spoken of his desire to form a Foo Fighters tribute band after retirement.
Ruud Van Nistelrooy on Back of the Net News[edit | edit source]
Allardyce left scratching oversized head at Ruud snub.