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Teddy-Sheringham 971264

Teddy Sheringham[]

Edward Paul "Teddy" Sheringham MBE (born 2 April 1966 in Highams Park, London) is an ex-professional footballer, amateur dentist and breast man.

Playing career[]


Despite having the name and devil-may-care insouciance of an World War One pilot, acquired while racing Zeppelins in his youth, Teddy Sheringham enjoyed a successful and apparently endless career as a footballer, usually playing ‘in the hole’ behind the main striker.

After spending much of his career as a big fish among littler fish in the small ponds of Millwall, Nottingham Forest and Tottenham Hotspur, he was scooped up by Alex Ferguson in 1997 to replace Eric Cantona, who had finally made good on his promise to journalists and thrown himself from a trawler into the sea.

Sheringham’s time at Manchester United will always be remembered for his late cameo in the Champions League final of 1999, scoring one and setting up the other of his side’s two late goals to undeservedly defeat Bayern Munich, causing celebrations throughout Germany and heatbreak in most of Britain.

Success at Old Trafford came despite a long-running feud between Sheringham and occasional striking partner Andy Cole, one sparked by an dispute – never settled – over whether Ray Harryhausen’s best film was Clash of the Titans or Jason and the Argonauts. They are also reported to have argued over whether teammate Henning Berg was Danish or Norwegian and over the viability of the Zeppelin as a means of mass transportation.

Sheringham finally retired in 2008, aged 42, after another stint with Tottenham, plus West Ham, Portsmouth and Colchester United, due to the fact that his face had become so creased it was almost impossible for him to see.

England career[]

‘SAS’ partnership[]

Alan Shearer was firmly established as England’s first-choice centre-forward by the mid-1990s, but the question of who to partner him with caused manager Terry Venables a selection headache. One day in 1995, hunched over his chalkboards, he stumbled across the solution almost by accident: adding Sheringham to the line-up gave England “Shearer And Sheringham” - or, as it was handily known, the ‘SAS’.

The acronym-obsessed Venables was delighted. The alternatives, namely “Shearer And Dublin” or “Shearer And Euell”, would have led to unwanted associations with Seasonal Affective Disorder or a Self-Addressed Envelope, neither of which would have provided any great psychological edge. Venables resisted calls for Darren Anderton to be moved into a more attacking role alongside Shearer, opting not to associate his team with Sex Addicts Anonymous.

Despite reports to the contrary, a three man-attack of “Shearer, Phillips And Merson”, was never seriously considered.

Euro ‘96 and the ‘Dentist’s Chair’[]

Sheringham impressed as England advanced through Euro ’96, eventually being eliminated at the semi-final stage owing to the fact that they were not one of the two best teams in the tournament.

He was however criticized for the ‘dentist’s chair’ celebration following Paul Gascoigne’s goal against Scotland in the group stages. As Gascoigne lay on his back, Sheringham and Jamie Redknapp (a trained dental nurse) extracted one of his molars and fitted a brace to correct his underbite. Following an increase in playground dentistry across England, all three players were forced to make a public apology, indistinctly in Gascoigne’s case.

Career as a player[]

Sheringham is notable for having dated chesty models Katie Price, Danielle Lloyd, and Jessica Rabbit. This may be due to a yearning for the Zeppelin races of his youth. Or he may just like implausibly large breasts.