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Togo FA

Togo National Football Team[]

Togo didn’t exactly cover themselves in glory at their first World Cup in 2006.

The Sparrow Hawks unexpectedly booked their place at the finals by denying Senegal a chance to repeat their 2002 World Cup heroics.

But as soon as the Togolese party reached Germany they began to embrace the African tradition of descending into chaos at a major tournament.

During the competition, Togo nearly pulled out as their players demanded “absolutely loads of money” from their football federation to compensate for the inconvenience of the honour of playing for their country.

Led by well-known greedy prick Emmanuel Adebayor, who vocally protested that he ‘could’ve been buying cars and houses and shit’, the players threatened to ruin their country’s historic outing by failing to turn up to play Switzerland.

Feeling undermined, German coach Otto Pfister reacted furiously and tried to quit his post.

“For the first time in my life the name Otto Pfister is being met with sniggers,” he bellowed at a press conference to a chorus of sniggers.

Togo may as well have gone home as they were beaten by South Korea, Switzerland and France and did fuck all of any note.

The drama had obviously taken its toll on old man Pfister who staggered along the sideline as if drunk and looked as if he had only just crawled out of bed, often forgetting to do up any of his shirt buttons and spending half of the France game shaving.

Togolese officials joined in the post-tournament backlash by labeling Pfister a ‘drunk’, but the proud tactician vehemently denied the allegations stating that he'd had ‘just had a few to get steady’.

Notable players[]

Emmanuel Adebayor (2000 - )

That is all.