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Tomas repka

tomas repka

Tomas "the walking tattoo" Repka, born on January 2nd 1974 (if you would choose to call punching his way out of his mother's vagina a birth) is a notorious Czech footballer who has subsequently gone on to achieve the status of Europe's most feared player. Although the validity of this award was initially questioned, Tomas has personally tracked down these cynics and emphatically put to bed any doubts with the help of a sawn off Winchester he recieved as a present from his dearly beloved son, Kruncza.

Tomas started playing football as a member of the former Soviet army, where in the lack of real footballs, the dismembered limbs from the lifeless enemy bodies were kicked around for fun. This obvoiusly had a marked impact on Repka's game as despite nowadays being graced with the presence of perfectly decent footballs, Tomas still enjoys to kicks around the dismembered limbs from the lifeless opposition bodies.

Despite playing football for numerous clubs including Fiorentina and West Ham Utd over a long, succesfull career, Tomas still has difficulty appreciating the difference between his role as a footballer and mercenary soldier. Repka's centre-halfing style has been described kindly by some as "robust", but probably better known to the majority as "fucking brutal". In fact, it is claimed that even Andy Townsend has difficulty in describing Repka as lightly as a "no-nonsense" centre-half considering his onfield monstrosities which includes the dreaded "bonecruncher" tackle - a grotesque melee which famously broke every bone in the body of an unfortunate winger who happened to step on Tomas' "favourite piece of grass".

Repka gained further notoriety after a 2011 Europa League tie with Liverpool in which he decided to square up to the whole Kop end. One man on his own against 10,000 enragened Liverpool die-hards - the fight would only ever have gone one way. Luckily, for the Liverpool fans, new UEFA safety regulations introduced that year required the erection of a protective barrier between the stands and the field.

Tomas Repka's hobbies include bare knuckle boxing, holding up post offices and beating his wife senseless.