The Welsh Premier League (formerly the League of Wales) is the second highest tier of football for teams from Wales, sitting just below the entirety of the English Football League. It is mainly contested by teams which are either from towns and villages or places that don't even exist at all.
The League Champions are gifted a place in the qualifying rounds of the Champions League, where they are promptly taught a footballing lesson by the Champions of Moldova. Three other sides are given places in the UEFA Cup, where they will too will be eliminated by the 3rd best sides from Moldova, Israel and a celebrity XI with Matt Lucas as a lone-striker.
No Big Teams[edit | edit source]
Cardiff (championship), Swansea (premier league), Wrexham (conference) and Newport (conference) are scarcely considered giants of the footballing world, yet even they consider themselves to be above playing in the leagues of their native Wales. Rather than endlessly wrestling between each other for the 'glory' of a two legged arse-kicking in Europe each year, they instead prefer to make do in the lower tiers of English football.
This leaves the Welsh Premier League to be dominated by teams from Barry, Bangor and Rhyl. Bangor is otherwise notable for being one of the smallest cities in the UK, with a population smaller than its University, whilst Rhyl is only notable for having no vowels in its name.
Unfortunately for fans of English football, results from the Welsh league are still announced as part of the classified check every Saturday; despite being about as interesting as the shipping forecast for Dogger.
Silly Teams[edit | edit source]
Wales is no stranger to ridiculous place names. Indeed, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, were banned from entering a team in the League of Wales, because several typists for the Videprinter died of old age before they could finish writing out the score, leaving viewers with an eery, "Banger City 3 - 0 Llanfairpwllgwyn..." hovering on their screens until the typist could be replaced. Mold Alexandra were also banned from the league after commentators repeatedly burst into hysterics when covering their games due to the team sounding like a women suffering from a nasty fungal infection.
Perhaps because of Wales' love of silly place names and disdain for vowels, many teams in Wales aren't even named after places at all. Airbus U.K. and Technogroup Welshpool are both currently in the league of Wales. The side formerly known as Total Network Solutions used to provide endless 'humor' for Sky Sports chatterbox Jeff Stelling at the end of the day's classified check. Stelling would invariably spout, "They'll be dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight!" every time TNS won a game at home, even though Stelling was fully aware TNS was not a place. TNS changed their name to The New Saints in early 2006. Steling, however, has still not thought of a new joke.