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World-class is a shadowy phrase used to describe a select number of footballers who are at the pinnacle of the game. No-one knows what the difference between 'really, really good' and world-class is, yet all know when the phrase has been used correctly or incorrectly.

Correct Usage[]

One feature that links many world-class players is to have performed well in an important match that loads watched. This has to be combined with consistent performance over at least one year. Examples include:

1) Cristiano Ronaldo scoring with his head in the 2008 Champions League Final in Moscow. Despite doing so in many other matches (that not everyone watched), it was widely believed that his greased head was so aerodynamic the ball was simply swept aside.

2) Lionel Messi scoring with his head in the 2009 Champions League Final in Rome. Despite doing so in other matches (that not everyone watched), 'the flea' was believed beforehand to be so small and light that his body would simply stick to the ball, its movement unaffected.

3) Steven Gerrard scoring with his head in the 2005 Champions League Final in Istanbul. Despite doing so in many other matches (that not everyone watched), it was widely believed that his perenially grumpy face, which had became more pronounced due to the burden of carrying a Liverpool team which consisted of Djimi Traore and Igor Biscan, would simply scare the ball away from his head and cause it to land at the friendlier face of Xabi Alonso.


Martin O'Neill caused a media furor on the 7th August 2008, when he described soon to be PFA Young Player of the Year Ashley Young as world-class. This caused outright shock seeing as the player had never scored an unexpected header in a Champions League Final. This statement was widely derided, with one of the elements of the undefinable term being at a club where everything is laid on a plate by many other 'very, very good' players. This ruling has hindered the career of Francesco Totti, who has foolishly stuck with his boyhood club for many years instead of joining the team that wins the most. Thus he is regarded as a Cult Hero.

Nearly Men[]

Players who look the tits in the domestic league, only to disappear for their country in major finals are never allowed to be world-class. These include Eric Cantona, Francesco Totti and Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

Famous golem John Carew is the only creature known to be world-class 'when he feels like it'. When 'not feeling like it' Carew turns back into rock and barely moves.


In the summer of 2009 Real Madrid signed every known world-class player.