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'Whos Andy Carroll?'

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is undoubtedly one of the finest centre forwards to have graced football in the last 20 years. His outstanding goal scoring record coupled with powerful technique, excellence in the air and ability to hit 60 or 70 yard passes off either foot truly marks him out as a football legend.

There have been games when Ibrahimovic hasn’t scored a goal from 60 yards or invented a cure for cancer during half time - this is normally followed by a football luminary such as Andy Townsend remarking that 'He doesn’t fancy it' or 'He never plays well against english teams' or 'He couldn’t cut it with the pace of the world’s best league'.

Occasionally Ibrahimovic will receive a small amount of praise from one of the aforementioned colossuses of football knowledge as demonstrated when Alan Shearer said 'He can’t be that bad he's scored lots of goals wherever he's been but does he put a shift in like we saw Shola Ameobi doing at the weekend?'. Gary Megson overheard this and was seen complimenting Shearer on his knowledge as well as his dress sense.

Wily old football queen Mark Lawrenson is very dismissive of Ibrahimovic's ability, saying something like 'Zl-shit-an Ibra-shit-ovic' before laughing like a demented moron for the rest of the game.

Opinion changed slightly on Ibrahimovic when he scored 4 goal of the season contenders in one game during an international match between Sweden and england. It was a feat even more amazing as he scored them all against undoubtedly the best goalkeeper in the world. The confusion of these events led to Andy Townsend momentarily forgetting this fact when he blurted out 'He'll be disappointed with that Joe Hart'.

He scored the goal of the tournament in Euro '04 and Euro '12 as well as goal of the season in Seria A on 5 occasions. He has scored better goals with his left foot in one season than Matt Le Tissier managed in his entire fat life.

To england fans he is known as a shit Andy Carroll.